The Devil’s History Part Two….
Greetings My Fellow Minions, Lucifer Jones here, picking up where I left off yesterday with the TRUE story of my history…
just to recap
I beat God in the first “Deity Poker Tourney” that lasted 6 months, 6 days, and 6 hours, he pitched the biggest hissyfit ever (at that time) and decided that he would cast me (kick me) out of “heaven” and banish me to the worst place on earth for the rest of my days…
God looked down upon earth and spotted a barren area of land (which would later be named Las Vegas aka “Sin City” LOL) and he told me I would spend the rest of eternity there, I asked him if there was ANY way I could come back to Heaven and he said point blank….
“When my son returns to Earth for the second time (The Second Coming) you may come home” (Little did I know that would never ever happen lol) so I packed my stuff (surprisingly I had very little) and said goodbye to what little group of deities there were left, before I finally headed down to earth God stopped my at the gates and said….
“From this day forth your real name will be stripped from you, the world will NEVER know the truth of your nature, you will forever be known to be the cause of all pain and misery and you will be known by many many names, but none will be your true name.”
And he continued… (man this fuck can really hold a grudge!)
“You will NEVER be allowed to step foot in my kingdom again, until the day of my son’s second coming, you may reign on earth until then, and should you choose to fight me, I will raise an army upon you that will never be defeated”
And he STILL continued, but honestly I stopped listening to his holier then thou ass lol, what I did NOT know was at that time his son Jesus (half son really) was already on earth spreading lies and propaganda about me ME! and they (Jesus and his “sheep”) were working on this book (The Bible) that would pretty much be all about what a bad bad guy I was, and how God single-handedly did everything and he cast me to Hell….
So, I went to earth and wandered the deserts (again the same ones that would later be called “Las Vegas” and I started to create my army of souls.
The plan was, to round up enough people and try to take back heaven, I had already contacted a few of the deities that had left Heaven awhile back, and they were all for it, mainly cause they had also heard about this book Jesus and his sheep were working on, it pretty much said that there was ONLY ONE GOD when in reality there were HUNDREDS of gods and goddesses!
We lived in the shadows, meer shells of our formers selves, Jesus’s sheep would see us and they would yell and scream, (the lies had already gotten blown WAY out of proportion) I headed to Egypt and chatted with Rah (the sun god) and I made him a deal, if he gave me his powers I would make sure he ruled over Heaven once we got rid of God, he was more then happy to take the deal, since God and his son turned most of Rah’s people against him that same week.
So I headed back to the desert to my people, and with my new powers I created what would forever be known as Hell….
I was standing at the base of what would later become Hell, and before I could even get started creating this great new world who showed up? GOD! I was both pleased to see my old friend and PISSED OFF….
“What do you want?” I asked him
“Look, I know what your planning on doing, and I have an idea” God said
“Go on” I said kind of puzzled
“Well, you know I love games, and I so hate to loose, But here me out here” replied God
God went on to explain to me that his book was done, my fate was pretty much sealed, BUT he was willing to give me a fighting chance to take over heaven, with what he called a numbers game.
The rules were simple, NEITHER OF US COULD DIRECTLY GET INVOLVED WITH MAN (and women) Humans had “Free-Will” whoever had the most souls at the “end of the world” would be the final ruler of Heaven & Earth.
Now, I’m no dummy, I knew God would never fight fair, he never did before WHY would he start now, I asked him HOW we were supposed to get souls in this little games of his, and he explained…
Since Adam & Eve had eaten the apple, God was holding that against EVERY man woman and child for the rest of time, everyone would be born in sin because of that little act (told you he was a petty ego freak lol)
There was a list of 10 “rules” that God’s followers HAD to follow IF they wanted to make it to heaven when they died. Anyone who did NOT follow the rules would go to me, if they DID follow the rules they would go to God, in the end the one of us with the most souls would win TOTAL control of heaven and earth.
It sounded pretty easy, and I was pretty damn sure I would win this little game, we agreed to meet up every few years and see how each other was doing in the soul game, I asked God if he would continue to keep spreading the lies about me, he simply laughed and said “OF COURSE!”
He vanished and I was left alone standing at the gates of hell…
To Be Continued Tomorrow
