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Quite a few of my marital arguments have started in the kitchen. I’ve written about my husband’s back seat cooking in the past. I will be in the kitchen doing just fine, not asking for any help from him. He’ll waltz in, tinker with the oven knobs and move my ingredients around. Usually he will stare me down and I will pretend he’s not there. Eventually he will clear his throat and say something like, “Do you want me to show you a better way to do that?”

I’ll say, “Actually, I don’t.”

Then there will be tension. Then he’ll attempt to tell me what the better way is. Then I’ll tell him that I don’t care about his way. Then, one time out of two, I’ll realize his better way really is better, and that’s more annoying than anything. Of course, one time out of two his better way is not better at all, and that can be annoying too.

At some point, I generally throw him out of the kitchen and tell him not to come back until I invite him.

Thankfully, now that I’m studying Buddhism, those types of fights have mostly become a thing of the past. My husband still back seat cooks, but it doesn’t bother me as much.

Another kitchen fight used to center on clean up. I was always raised with the rule that the cook doesn’t clean up. Whoever doesn’t cook must wash the dishes.

It’s only fair. (Interestingly, my dad now cooks and cleans up while my mom lives the easy life. She knows this is true and will laugh when she reads this. I hope. If she doesn’t laugh, I’m in big trouble.)

Well, years ago, we didn’t have a dishwasher. And I used to like to cook gourmet. That meant that there was usually a truckload of pots and pans to clean when I was done.

We’d finish eating and my husband would start watching TV. I’d stare at the dirty pots and pans in the kitchen and say, “The person who doesn’t cook cleans.” He’d say, “I’ll get to it.” He wouldn’t. I’d end up cleaning it all up and then he wouldn’t see my naked body for weeks.

That was before we worked on our marriage.

At any rate, at some point we moved to a house with a dishwasher and this solved that issue to some degree.

Until the dishwasher broke. It broke around the same time my car windshield wipers, headlight, interior light, and radio broke. Around the same time, our toilet handle also broke. And this was all added to the following things that had been broken for some time: the air conditioning, the curtain rods, the closet doors, various light bulbs, and some other things that are not coming to mind.

My husband did manage to fix my headlight, the toilet and the curtain rods. I got my windshield wipers fixed. The AC and the dishwasher are still broken. But now my radio is not only broken, it’s stuck on permanent scan. I can’t begin to tell you how annoying it is to drive around with a radio that stays on the Christmas music station for 10 seconds and then scans to the country music station for a few seconds and then back to Christmas music and so on. (Those are the only two stations it gets). And my defroster is also stuck in the “on” position. Oh and someone rear-ended me the other day, so my back bumper is, well, not looking very pretty.

My kid hates my car and told me that she asked Santa to bring me a new one. Wouldn’t that be nice.

Anyway, yes, I have realized that my home life is a constant reminder of the fragility and impermanence of everything.

But I’ve managed to get off topic.

At any rate, when the dishwasher broke, I just braced for the marital strife to begin. It didn’t. I think it helped that I’ve mellowed over the years. I can now outlast my husband in the amount of time I’m willing to be okay with a sink full of dirty dishes. He often breaks down and washes them long before I’ve started to care about the matter.

What also has helped is this: My friend Brette Sember wrote this fantastic book called the Parchment Paper Cookbook. The entire book contains recipes that require zero cleanup. All of the meals cook inside of parchment paper. You never get a pot or a pan dirty.

At first I thought it would be bad for the environment, using up all this parchment and all. But I managed to find recycled parchment that is both reusable and compostable.

Since I’m a vegetarian who loves vegetables, I particularly love that Brette included 36 vegetable dishes and dozens more vegetarian grain dishes. Everything that I’ve tried has been quick and easy to prepare, and it has all tasted fantastic.

The cookbook has probably saved my marriage. It just might save yours.

I think you all should buy it. You also might want to check out her cooking site NoPotCooking.

I’m giving away one copy to a lucky person who comments on this post. In the comments, tell me what types of arguments you’ve gotten into in the kitchen. Or, if that doesn’t strike your fancy, give me tips on how to save water when I wash dishes by hand. Or you can comment about anything else that you feel compelled to share.

Learn more about Alisa’s book, the story of how she went from wishing her husband dead to falling back in love.

To find out how the book has changed lives click here.

Want to discuss Project: Happily Ever After at book club or your church group? Click here for an entertaining guide.
Go to ProjectHappilyEverAfter.com for more marriage advice or to converse with other recovering divorce daydreamers.