Does your spouse love you?
Love
Yes, they are sappy, but I’ve always loved those email forwards that quote school children about their views on love, marriage, and life. Yesterday, one of these sappy posts was making its rounds on Twitter. It was titled, “What does love mean? See how 4-8 year-old kids describe love.”
I, of course, read every single word of it, because I think kids are wise in an endearing, funny way.
Like what Rebecca, age 8, had to say about her grandfather painting her grandmother’s toenails? Poor Grandma can’t bend over anymore, so Grandpa helps her out, even though he has arthritis in his hands.
How heart-warming is that? It made me want to write Rebecca’s grandfather a note, thanking him for being such a loving husband.
And what Chrissy said about giving someone most of your French Fries without expecting any food in return? That’s definitely love in my book. Or what Chris said about a mommy who always gives the daddy the best piece of chicken? Love.
It got me thinking. Too often our definition of love includes nearly impossible gestures and feats. For instance, that asinine Christmas commercial that has the ribbon-wrapped Lexus comes to mind. I hate that commercial so much that I’ve pledged to never own a Lexus for as long as I live—even if I somehow win one in a contest.
Such commercials condition us to think things like, “If he REALLY loved me, he would [insert just about anything here.]” We define it by what we want and not by what is already being given. For instance, I’m guessing Rebecca’s grandmother isn’t going to have a ribbon-wrapped sports car in her driveway come Christmas morning. And her husband probably falls short in other ways. Maybe he doesn’t leave the room when he passes gas. Maybe he doesn’t remember their anniversary. Maybe he doesn’t do any number of things that might be defined as “loving.”
But he paints her toenails.
Especially when a marriage falls apart, we often fixate on all of the ways we are not being loved. (At least I know I did). And we neglect to notice all of the ways we already are loved. So after I read the sappy post about kids and love, I began thinking about all of the ways my husband shows his love. This is what I came up with:
- Usually, when I come home from a business trip, I come home to a clean house. For instance, two weeks ago, my husband had not only picked up all of the random toys, he’d also scrubbed out the refrigerator, the kitchen trashcan and the dog bowl. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.
- Whenever it’s raining, my husband drops me off at restaurant and store entrances, and then he parks the car.
- When I nap on weekends, my husband closes the bedroom door, so the sounds of him and my daughter playing will not wake me.
- When I’m morose or stressed, my husband sits next to me, puts his arm around me, and says nothing, because he knows I don’t want to talk about it.
- He makes my coffee in the morning, even though I can make it myself. He makes me coffee even when he’s not making any for himself.
- He puts air in my bike tires for me, even though I know how to do this myself.
- Whenever I’m going to drive my car a long distance, he checks all of the fluid levels and the air pressure in the tires.
- He recently cut mums from the yard and put them in a water-filled wine glass in the kitchen.
Even when our marriage was in the pits, I think he did most of these things. I just didn’t notice them, because I was too busy fixating on all of the ways I didn’t feel loved. So I think it’s a good exercise—no matter what stage of marriage you are in—to think about all of the small ways your spouse displays his or her love. Are you like me? Do you tend to overlook the small, sweet gestures? Or are you convinced that there are no loving gestures to be noticed? What are the ways that your spouse says, “I love you”? How do you say, “I love you” to your spouse? Leave a comment.
Note: I am taking the next week off from blogging. We have relatives visiting, and I need a short break in order to recharge myself. I’ll be back here the week of October 19th.
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